Yesterday I took my second stab at heading our university bellydance club practice, and thinking on a moment from last night, I just had to laugh. (We're all beginners there ftmp, but some are MUCH newer than others. So the Pres. and I kind of head things up, as we have no real dance teacher to speak of. :)):
We were doing seated squats (just sittin' in the middle of the air squatted, as if on a very icky, invisible thundermug), and lots of the girls were having real trouble w/posture, staying down far enough, balance, stamina & the like. (I was trying to show them how immobilizing the legs might help w/isolating the upper body, and how eventually you could turn a squat into a variety of cool moves.) But for some reason they kept balking so laughingly I teased "c'mon ladies, if a big fluffy girl like me can do it, all you skinny wimmins have GOT this!" (All the girls in my club but me are very, very little- which can be kind of hard on the confidence levels at times.) So a few tried briefly again, but everyone just kept breaking out of it and getting frustrated, distracted, etc.
So I just sat in the squat, let 'em go on w/their conversations for a bit, and while waiting for them to finish, put my hands down on my legs, just chillin' out. That's when I realized it. "C'mon girls! This works your upper thighs like crazy!" A few people looked around, chuckled for a sec, but didn't do much. So I went on. "Some of you may not believe it, but I've actually got a bit a' muscle up under alla this fluff!" -to which we all laughed, buuut they all still kept standing around; so I tried again. "No really! Come feel!" And that's when I totally invited them to come take a poke at the fronts of my thighs, while I still just sat in the squatting pose.
Nervously, a few of them walked over, poked, and the looks on their faces were so hysterically shocked, I just couldn't help but laugh. :) Here I was, the biggest girl of all of them by a mile, and in this pose my legs were all muscle, and for once I wasn't having any trouble w/stamina or needing to modify a move. You couldn't feel hardly any fluff at all on that top thigh muscle, and a couple of girls even said "oh my god!! She really IS all muscle under there!!" *lol*
I'm not saying anyone should ever compare themselves to others (although I know it still happens), or that one should belittle others for something that one can or cannot do. (I dearly hope this is not coming off that way.) My goal was to inspire these awesome ladies to keep trying, and I -think- in some, it might have actually worked. :) But also, as one who's always worried about "being The Big Girl.." the undesirable that everyone just puts up with, (in class as well as in life), not to mention as someone w/a disability, it was great to have a "yes I can!!" moment. ^_^
I guess it's just that the look on these girls' faces, when they realized that I actually -could- be strong, and somehow withstand something they in their younger, tinier physiques could not (YET) really helped me remember: Although I wish I were littler and more fit, I've also got my OWN strengths & assets too. :) That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop striving to be mre healthy, but it does remind me that I am not JUST weakness.
And that, no matter who you are or what you struggle with, is a really, really nice thing to be reminded of. *beams*
Anyway.. I hope you all have lots of similarly great moments soon to come, and always. ^_^ ♥
Love and Light,