My Idea for a VA Demo

[thewaterling]

I know most demos are disparate pieces done to illustrate various advertising & dramatic abilities, but I thought it would both be more fun as well as more original to do a little tableau; which illustrates different ages, genders, nationalities and walks of life. I'm in no way trying to propagate steriotypes; I just wanted to show my diversity with accents, vocal patterns, pitch, etc, and this seemed to be (to my inexperienced sensibilities, at least) the best way to go about doing that. I hope that you enjoy, and that no one will take offense, as naught but the most repect is held for all of the walks of life and peoples that are depicted herein.

Thanks,
Nae 

SCENE AT A RESTAURANT

A demo skit for Renae Marie M.

 

High, whiny, nasal Scottish woman’s voice:  “So I said to my Georgie, either you eat that bleedin’ tuna casserole, or I’mmonna shove it down yer great yappin’ gob!”

Suddenly a trollup from the back of the room lets out a loud, raucous, unapologetic bray of laughter, ripping through the echoing restaurant.

A very Californian-sounding woman mutters:  “Oh. My.  God.”

Big, low-voiced New Yorker dude barks out “Ey, lady, do you mind???”

Little old, doddery woman:  “Why, my stars!  The NERVE of some young people nowadays!!”

Middle-aged, female New Yorker:  “My lawd, how rude!!”  Harold, be a doll n’ go over an’ say somethin’, would ya?”

Gruff, low-voiced New York male again:  “YO, WAITAH!!  How’s about askin’ that broad ovah there ta shut ‘er yap, huh??”

Snotty British voice:  “Indeed!  Some of us are trying to enjoy a quiet meal here.”

A low, smooth, mildly irritated African American man pshaws:  “Man.. y’all trippin’.’ Leave da girl alone.  She ain’t done nothin’ ta you!”

High, female German voice:  “Quite right!  What kind of peevish dolt would take issue with a little innocent laughter..?”

An extremely low, Russian voice retorts:  “No one I would associate with, I can assure you.”

Aussie voice:  “Well I think it’s rude to be so loud in a fancy place like this.  If the girl wants to make a ruckus, there’s a good old-fashioned pub about three blocks down.”

The restaurant-wide murmurs increase, and after a few moments, a soft-spoken, East Indian waitress says:  I’m terribly sorry Miss, but I am afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you continue to disturb our other customers.”

The same woman who laughed answers in a moderately angry, sultry croon:  “I beg your pardon?  I’m offending people by enjoying a simple joke??  Miss, I’m terribly sorry to disturb any decent, hard-working souls, but- did any of your other precious clientele mind so awful much, about offending me this evening??  No one seemed too mind too terribly about gawking at me all night long…”

High, whispery voice returns:  “Aww c’mmon, babe, it’s not a big deal.  I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by-.”

The sultry female voice continues:  “No!  I certainly didn’t mean to HARM anybody by enjoying myself   Now, Rhada, is it?  I’d appreciate it if your other patrons would kindly keep their eyes inside their little heads.”

Little kid:  “EWWW!!!  Daddy, I don’t wanna see people yanking their eyeballs out!  That’s GROSS!!!”

Gentle Irish voice:  “Don’ ye worry, darlin’.  There ain’ no one’s gone take their eye-“

A refined, offended French voice pipes up:  “Well maybe we could concentrate on our food, if perhaps some of us did not parade around looking like cheap ‘ores.”

Sultry woman’s voice rings out: “What did you just say???”

Old woman pipes up: “Floozy.”

High girl’s voice again, furiously angry and loud now:  “Take that back!!”

Cockney Brit voice chimes in: “Oh yeah!?!  Make ‘er, ya sodded cow!!”

Sultry woman:  “Why you son of a-“ SMMMMMACK!!  THUD.  CRASH!!!!!  SCREAM!!!!

 

Suddenly over the din, a loud electronic BEEEP is heard, and then a tranquil, recorded voice speaks over the continuing din:

“You have reached International City’s Emergency Hotline.”

To proceed in English, please press one.

Para continuarse in Espanol, por favor oprima el numero dos.

Pour procéder en français, s’il vous plaît appuyez sur le numéro toi.

Um in den Sprachen Deutsch, drücken Sie bitte die Nummer fir.

Per continuare in Italiano, si prega di premere il numero cinque.

To continue/proceed in Chinese, please press the number six. 

To continue/proceed in Japanese, please press the number seven.

To speak with an operator, please press zero now, or, simply stay on the line. Thank you for calling International City’s Emergency Hotline, and have a nice day.” 

 

The recording finishes with another loud BEEEEEP as the sounds of chaos persist in the background.  It is audible chaos, with breaking glass, thuds, crashes, sounds of fighting, shouts, screams, one or two people crying, and from somewhere very far away, the beginnings of a siren can be heard going on as the telephone goes dead.

 

THE  END.